Letter from ajmal Kasab to Osama Bin Laden ( fiction )
Found this one on the internet, thought of sharing with you all:
Jenab e ali Osama Bin Laden sahab,
I trust you are doing well in Paradise. Am sure the Paradise will be overflowing with all the fidayeen brothers (oddly called as suicide bombers by the kafirs), each accompanied by 24 beautiful girls. I did witness your burial at sea by the US troops, as I happened to have been on a sea cruise that day - sponsored by Indian Coast Guard in the Arabian Sea. I think the Americans followed all due customs that need to be observed on such occasions. I distinctly remember having heard a 14 gun salute too – though I am not sure if it was a gun salute or some Indian Navy ship firing at a Somali pirate ship.
In hindsight, I feel guilty at not having advised you to avoid seeking asylum in Pakistan. Ever since you took shelter near Abbottabad, and since you had cleverly avoided any internet/ other media access at your haveli, Pakistan has only gone from bad to worse. Please inform Jinnah Sahab that his dream has become a nightmare for the whole civilized world. I think you should have taken residence in India. You would have lived for another 30 years at least, Insha Allah. Here is a brief list of reasons why this decision would have been faultless:-
(1) Indians might themselves be unsafe on the streets, in their villages/ towns….but we get to live in high security accn guarded by special police forces. India spends about Rs 12 crore per annum on my security alone – and we can hardly expect Pakistan to match this figure.
(2) Indian judicial system is so slow ad time consuming that I can expect to live up to old age. The lawyers here are cheaply bought and can ensure the legal process never reaches a conclusion. Presently, the only charge that may be conclusively proved against me is that I entered VT Railway Station without a platform ticket.
(3) Assuming that the judicial system is able to come to a conclusion in about 20 years, the system of appeals will take another 20 years at least. Even after that, one has the right to appeal to the President of India. There is a waiting list here, as the past three Presidents have been unable to rule on the approximately 10 pleas for clemency. As a last resort, I am told the Indian jails don’t have a hangman for the last 15 years – due to staff downsizing as part of administrative reforms by the present UPA Govt.
(4) The quality of food is good. Twice a week, the Indian Human Rights Commission has authorized me to get food from Hotel Taj. Now that is what I call, Wah Taj. In any case, the Govt employs six food tasters to ensure my food is safe and palatable. You can hardly say that for about 60 percent of the Indian population.
(5) I routinely abuse the Indian Media – Print and Electronic, but seldom get any unfavourable response because they are all busy with Breaking News all the time – Corruption, Scandals, 3G Scam, Toilets in Games village during CWG, Bus Accidents, Sachin Tendulkar’s Birthdays, Rahul Gandhi’s village sojourns, Kalmadi’s (mis)deeds, a child falling into well, Ganpati statues drinking milk, Rajnikant’s latest release, etc etc. I have tried to abuse the politicians too, but they happen to be too thick skinned to have any effect. I have given up on them, much as most Indians seem to have done.
(6) An average Indian is extremely nice and tolerant. You hit him but he won't hit back. The real reason, to me, appears to be that he is left with no choice. After all, if he goes to police for justice, he will be had – nice and proper. He can never hope to file a FIR, let alone prosecute the offender (Is it a surprise that all political parties in India are again united against any kind of police reform). If he goes to Court, he will 100% go bankrupt. He will be promised justice within 3 months, but won’t get it even in 30 years (Is it any surprise again that all political parties in India are united against any kind of judicial reform). So he has simply learned to live with adversity – though leaders call this as Indian resilience/ patience. Even movies like A Wednesday doesn’t appear to stir him.
(7) Indians may not have access to basic medical facilities, but I enjoy 5 Star medical care – and have immunization and vaccination against every possible disease. I have air-conditioned premises, albeit not for comfort, but the Indian authorities want to save me from the terrible pollution all around. I don’t mind it. I hope the Medical Science gets a break through in research on immortality soon. They will have to give me that, if the Indian judicial system is to be given a fair chance of nailing me.
(8) Unlike your Net-less home, I have broadband and DTH access. I do think Tata Sky is better than other DTH providers. The Indian programs like Singers/ Dancers/ Comedians Talent hunt etc are very good, more so because it is amazing these people are thriving despite such poor administration.
I wanted to meet you in person and share many views on reorganizing Taliban. However, in the present circumstances, I can not hope to meet you till I die of old age – the only real threat I face in Indian custody. Do give me your e mail address for future communications.
Yours true jehadi,
kasab@indian_hospitality.c
Jenab e ali Osama Bin Laden sahab,
I trust you are doing well in Paradise. Am sure the Paradise will be overflowing with all the fidayeen brothers (oddly called as suicide bombers by the kafirs), each accompanied by 24 beautiful girls. I did witness your burial at sea by the US troops, as I happened to have been on a sea cruise that day - sponsored by Indian Coast Guard in the Arabian Sea. I think the Americans followed all due customs that need to be observed on such occasions. I distinctly remember having heard a 14 gun salute too – though I am not sure if it was a gun salute or some Indian Navy ship firing at a Somali pirate ship.
In hindsight, I feel guilty at not having advised you to avoid seeking asylum in Pakistan. Ever since you took shelter near Abbottabad, and since you had cleverly avoided any internet/ other media access at your haveli, Pakistan has only gone from bad to worse. Please inform Jinnah Sahab that his dream has become a nightmare for the whole civilized world. I think you should have taken residence in India. You would have lived for another 30 years at least, Insha Allah. Here is a brief list of reasons why this decision would have been faultless:-
(1) Indians might themselves be unsafe on the streets, in their villages/ towns….but we get to live in high security accn guarded by special police forces. India spends about Rs 12 crore per annum on my security alone – and we can hardly expect Pakistan to match this figure.
(2) Indian judicial system is so slow ad time consuming that I can expect to live up to old age. The lawyers here are cheaply bought and can ensure the legal process never reaches a conclusion. Presently, the only charge that may be conclusively proved against me is that I entered VT Railway Station without a platform ticket.
(3) Assuming that the judicial system is able to come to a conclusion in about 20 years, the system of appeals will take another 20 years at least. Even after that, one has the right to appeal to the President of India. There is a waiting list here, as the past three Presidents have been unable to rule on the approximately 10 pleas for clemency. As a last resort, I am told the Indian jails don’t have a hangman for the last 15 years – due to staff downsizing as part of administrative reforms by the present UPA Govt.
(4) The quality of food is good. Twice a week, the Indian Human Rights Commission has authorized me to get food from Hotel Taj. Now that is what I call, Wah Taj. In any case, the Govt employs six food tasters to ensure my food is safe and palatable. You can hardly say that for about 60 percent of the Indian population.
(5) I routinely abuse the Indian Media – Print and Electronic, but seldom get any unfavourable response because they are all busy with Breaking News all the time – Corruption, Scandals, 3G Scam, Toilets in Games village during CWG, Bus Accidents, Sachin Tendulkar’s Birthdays, Rahul Gandhi’s village sojourns, Kalmadi’s (mis)deeds, a child falling into well, Ganpati statues drinking milk, Rajnikant’s latest release, etc etc. I have tried to abuse the politicians too, but they happen to be too thick skinned to have any effect. I have given up on them, much as most Indians seem to have done.
(6) An average Indian is extremely nice and tolerant. You hit him but he won't hit back. The real reason, to me, appears to be that he is left with no choice. After all, if he goes to police for justice, he will be had – nice and proper. He can never hope to file a FIR, let alone prosecute the offender (Is it a surprise that all political parties in India are again united against any kind of police reform). If he goes to Court, he will 100% go bankrupt. He will be promised justice within 3 months, but won’t get it even in 30 years (Is it any surprise again that all political parties in India are united against any kind of judicial reform). So he has simply learned to live with adversity – though leaders call this as Indian resilience/ patience. Even movies like A Wednesday doesn’t appear to stir him.
(7) Indians may not have access to basic medical facilities, but I enjoy 5 Star medical care – and have immunization and vaccination against every possible disease. I have air-conditioned premises, albeit not for comfort, but the Indian authorities want to save me from the terrible pollution all around. I don’t mind it. I hope the Medical Science gets a break through in research on immortality soon. They will have to give me that, if the Indian judicial system is to be given a fair chance of nailing me.
(8) Unlike your Net-less home, I have broadband and DTH access. I do think Tata Sky is better than other DTH providers. The Indian programs like Singers/ Dancers/ Comedians Talent hunt etc are very good, more so because it is amazing these people are thriving despite such poor administration.
I wanted to meet you in person and share many views on reorganizing Taliban. However, in the present circumstances, I can not hope to meet you till I die of old age – the only real threat I face in Indian custody. Do give me your e mail address for future communications.
Yours true jehadi,
kasab@indian_hospitality.c
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